The Source: Beer Pong: The Great American Past Time

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Beer Pong: The Great American Past Time

It is quite possibly the most enjoyable drinking game in the history of beer! We've all played it or seen it played at one point or another but if you've never seen it before....well...just click that little X in the upper right hand corner of your screen and get out of my face, haha.

Is it a sport?

I'm not so sure, however, anything that can capture the full attention of a house full of drunk college students and create an overarching realm of competition and false sense of superiority, I'm a fan of!!!

By the way, that ol' cliche rehearsed by the losing team, "We're the real winners because we get to drink all this beer!!" is bullshit.
First of all, chances are you're germ infested red plastic cups are full of 'Natural Ice' or some other downstream, watered-down, sorry excuse for a beer. Second of all, believe it or not, everyone in the room now thinks lesser of you. "Can't play beer pong? Probably can't party...must be some kind of loser."

My purpose is not to glorify this self-indulgent game but rather acknowledge it's presence in society today. So for those of you 'dominant' beer pong champions, keep in mind you're also a fuckin loser. Wait what? did I just contradict myself?
Losers are losers and winners are winners however picture this:

Matching t-shirts with some ridiculous team name imprinted on the front worn by two bright-red drunken ass college males who have all intentions of screaming "I'm on Fire!!" every five fucking minutes. This couple of blockheads have perfected the bounce shot, the trick shot, and even bring to the table shots no one has heard of. Despite going 13-0 and embarrassing their opponents every game it is these two idiots that define the loser within the champion. If you're one of these fools and doubt my theory because everyone treats you like a God then you are mistaken, as usual. Everyone smiles and cheers you on because you're entertaining not because you have any real worth to the world. 

Tip to world: 
Organize a massive fanfare that becomes a team's entourage. Not to help their efforts to win but to provide entertainment for everyone else at the party. The more empowered these feeble-minded drunks feel, the more outlandish the celebrations and so on and so forth.

Let's I made fun of the people who suck at beer pong and I made fun of the people who are too good at it, now what? Ah-ha! Time to pick on the ladies...

Let me first ask....why must you suck SO fuckin bad? hahaha
You show me a woman who's good at beer pong and I'll show you an Asian with
 a clean driving record. (A-OH!!!)
Also, girls insist on dancing and showing off their T&A as distractions.
AWESOME!!!....for guys.
But beware sluts, there are other girls watching and they pretty much wanna punch your face in!

Other pet peeves in beer pong:

Ball lands in water cup....happens all the time. But what I can no longer stand is the unoriginal douche-bag that insists on yelling, "You better chug that water, uh-haaa" haha like frickin hell how many times do we have to hear that!?! This goes the same for when a ball lands in an empty cup. 

Also, when a team attempts to execute a bounce shot against you is it necessary to smack the ball across the entire room, often resulting in one more missing ball? Well, yeah I guess that's pretty hilarious every time, so go for it haha.'s called Rebuttal people! Not redemption, or whatever else you morons come up with.

To close out this irresponsible rant on beer pong and those who play it I have to step down and say that I am guilty of just about all of this shit at one point or another. Vulgar language and a pretentious tone of self-righteousness was not necessary in writing this article....but it was fun right?

Let me know if you agree/disagree with any of the above views and please share any beer pong stories/annoyances etc. in the comments section.

Discuss, debate, and detest....The Source


  1. brahhhhh KREEEEEEGAH! wokka wokka wokka! KREEEEEGAH! wokka wokka wokka! Q: why does Lars Ulrich smell like tuna?

  2. The picture of the two douche bags is a great example of what happens when you take beer pong to seriously - no one takes you seriously.

    And you're right, it is always funny when you smack a bounce shot away obnoxiously hard saying "get that shit out of my face!"

  3. I remember the first time I played beerpong with you... so romantic... bahahahah